The Pastor and The Atheist

Forging friendships is a lot like finding a husband.  You can spend a lot of time searching for someone with just the right chemistry, but you can 't force it. It happens when it happens and often when you least expect it.

Yesterday, we went to an international group of English speaker's Halloween party.  I met a lot of very nice people and it made me start thinking. Friendships are relationships, requiring time, effort and commitment from both parties.  I think for every 100 people I meet only 1 or 2 meet my requirements.  How do adults make friends?  Houston to OKC.  OKC to Germany.  I am a social animal.  And so is Colt. It's difficult for even me to make friends.

Every one assumes it is easy to make friends on the playground with other adults who have children, especially if the children are close in age.  For me, I think it's harder getting to know other parents, especially with a child so young.  Instead of spending our time discussing interests, current affairs, or previous experiences, I find most of time is spent corralling children.  Or even worse, discussing our children.  I spend 24 hours a day with my son.  I love him to death, but when I finally get adult contact he is the LAST thing I want to discuss.  Not to mention, the thousands of differences in parenting and disciplining that brings unwanted advice and unsolicited conflicts. 

I don't necessarily look for people with similar interests: travel, exercise, art, etc.  I prefer a friend who brings new things to table. Things I can learn about, study, and then discuss. By thinking about how to make friends, instantly, I think about my friend, Jan, in OK.  We are total opposites and get along beautifully.  We make each other laugh and advise each other about serious issues.  By total opposites I mean, she is a pastor and I am an atheist.  We were once discussing a piece of art at an art festival.  The artist stepped in and commented.  To paraphrase (I can't remember) the conversation went something like this. 

Me:  Oh, she always thinks it's religious.  I always think the artist is being sacrilegious.  hahaha She is a pastor. I'm an atheist.

Everyone grins. The artist thinks we are joking.

Jan: Seriously.  hahaha

Me: And we get along beautifully!

The artist: How?

Jan and I look at each other and smile. 

Us: We respect each other completely.  We love each other. Who cares about our different beliefs?

The Artist (not grinning anymore):  If only the rest of the world was like that, they could learn a lot from you two.

Jan and I:  We know (grinning).

Off we went and had a wonderful day together.

I wish a checklist of all the reasons Jan and I get along so well would help me make friends here, but life and relationships aren't applications and checklists. Hours of thinking about it won't help me make new friends either.  It will happen when it happens with just the right person.

I'm very grateful for the friends that I have!  Take a moment to think about your friendships and what makes it work and let me know, please.